The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 1,900 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 3 years to get that many views.
So you joined an online dating site, and while you got a lot of action at the beginning, you really haven’t been hearing from the types of women you’d actually like to date. What’s wrong? Is it them? Is it you? In fact, the problem may be your profile. Your online dating profile is who you are in the virtual world of online dating, so you should be very critical about what you place in it. Here are 10 mistakes to avoid making in your online dating profile.
1. Using a bad user name
Your user name says a lot about you. Either go with a user name which is significant and says something about you or one which is anonymous, such as “Jack2435”. Resist the temptation to refer to significant numbers such as your age, phone numbers, date of birth, etc in your user name as this gives away unnecessary personal information.
2. Not using a photo in your profile
This is one of the biggest reasons your profile won’t get any hits and likely no messages. Women are attracted to men – how they look, first and foremost. When engaging in online dating, everything else in your profile can make for an interesting person, but you really can’t blame women for not clicking through a profile with no photo.
3. Using bad profile pictures
Your profile pictures are your match’s first impression of you, and the more interesting photos you have, the more likely a woman is to connect with one of them and feel compelled to write you or return an e-mail from you. One bad picture on your profile can ruin any attraction from a potential date, so make sure all of your photos are showing you at your best. They must be recent and preferably taken within the past year.
Make sure that you are smiling and avoid submitting pictures of you posing with your shirt off or wearing some tank-top. You also want to avoid placing photos of your dog or cat because they don’t really say much about you as a person. Never submit a photo of you with your arms around your ex and by all means, avoid submitting a photo of yourself posing in a bathroom mirror holding your phone!
4. Having an incomplete profile
Online dating sites put a lot of thought into the questions they ask you to answer, and if you’re not doing your part in filling out your profile, you can’t blame female online daters for skipping over your profile. Treat the online dating profile questionnaire like a conversation with the woman of your dreams. The more complete you are, the better opportunity you have for finding an ideal match.
5. Writing your life story in your profile
Don’t tell your life story. You need to leave a little mystery so that women will feel like there are still things to get to know about you even after they read your profile. If you dish out your entire life history on page one, then what’s left for them to discover? Say just enough to paint a realistic picture of yourself and what you’re looking for so women will get a good idea of who you are but without boring them with too much information. Be original and watch your grammar and spelling.
6. Lying about yourself
It may be very tempting to tell white lies about your age, that six-pack you’re boasting about which is really a one-pack, or your habits; but remember, women are making choices based on what you say, and will only feel let down when they meet you and discover that you were lying the whole time. If all you’re after is a casual or discreet type of relationship, then say so up front. Also, don’t mislead women into thinking you want a serious relationship when you don’t. Being honest with your potential dates will pay off in the long run.
7. Being generic and bland
Avoid using tired lines like “I enjoy long walks in the park, dining out and being with friends.” Who doesn’t? What does this really tell a potential date about you? Nothing! Be descriptive about the things that are important to you. Be unique, descriptive and original.
8. Placing photos of your children on your profile
Women initially want to get to know you as an individual, and although in any new serious relationship the new partner must be able to get on with your children, this should not be done from day one. You also need to consider that online predators are lurking everywhere on the web and you wouldn’t want to place your children at risk.
9. Being negative and self-deprecating about yourself
When creating your online dating profile, don’t complain about how lonely you are, how tired you are of the club scene, how badly you’ve been hurt before or how you don’t want any drama. Remember, being a challenge to women is a good thing, and you want a potential date to look at your profile and see a confident man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to say it. Present yourself as confident and assertive, not negative and referring to yourself as just “average.”
10. Being overtly sexual
It is not necessary to mention sex or the different positions you enjoy doing unless you specifically want to attract matches who also want the same thing. If you are looking for a serious relationship, you might end up getting messages from weirdos or sex-crazed women asking you out all the time.
Finding a good woman is not an easy task, especially in an era where lots of women are master manipulators who abuse their female sexual power and exploit male vulnerabilities. Still, there are a lot of good women out there with traits that would make any guy happy.
In a previous article, you learned about the types of women to avoid dating. Now, here’s a list of the good types of women you should be dating:
1. The Independent Woman
The independent woman has a real life of her own and is happily going in her own positive direction. She’s the type who wants a man in her life, but doesn’t need a man in her life. An upside of dating this Alpha Female is knowing that she is confident, she won’t rely on you for everything and she certainly isn’t looking for men to solve all her problems.
2. The Loyal Woman
This type of woman is ready to go to war with you and take on whatever obstacle life presents. She’s not the type that will be checking out other guys, but will keep her attention focused on you, the man in her life. Whether or not she’s up for first prize in a beauty contest, this type of woman will lift you up when you need it, provide constructive criticism to make you a better man and be on your side no matter what.
3. The Sweetheart
The sweetheart is a woman who’s positive, compassionate and gentle. She’s a genuine person who considers you in every situation. She’s always truly happy to see you and you find yourself looking forward to spending time with her. This type of woman is pretty rare, but if you can find one, you’ve got a real treasure on your hands.
4. The Low Maintenance Woman
The low maintenance woman is rational, not emotionally clingy, is comfortable doing things on her own and does not require constant reassurances. She really doesn’t care about how much money you have — she just likes you for you and not for what she can take from you. Unlike the high maintenance woman, she accepts herself as she is and is comfortable with her good points, as well as her bad ones. And she feels the same about you.
There is a huge difference between the guys who get girls on a consistent basis and the one’s who just can’t seem to get attention from the opposite sex no matter how hard they try. If your love life is on the skids, it’s safe to assume that you are probably guilty of one of these 5 blunders.
1. You’re too needy
If you want to run a woman off quickly, one of the best ways to do it is to be overly needy, i.e., excessively calling, emailing or sending text messages early in a relationship, always being available and doing everything she wants. Furthermore, women are not attracted to the type of man who needs too much support, validation, and constant reinforcement.
2. You don’t know how to build attraction
Many men fail in this area because they don’t know how to talk to women in a way that makes them more interested as time goes on. You need to learn the trigger points in women, i.e., how they think, react, and speak. You also have to know how to project your best qualities and use these to build attraction.
3. You’re looking in the wrong places
Trying to meet women in bars and clubs is a waste of time! Many women do not like meeting men at bars and have a natural resistance to men who approach them in these settings. Some of the best places to meet single women are shopping centers, coffee shops, concerts and gyms. Women KNOW that guys who are in bars and clubs are looking for one-night stands, but they don’t expect to be hit on in the above scenarios (element of surprise).
4. You don’t have confidence
Women are attracted to men with self-confidence, period. Nobody wants a guy who acts unsure of himself. A sexually confident man who is secure about his sexuality and is comfortable being who he is will always attract more women.
5. You’re not persistent
Second to not even trying, giving up too early is the most common mistake guys make. You may need to get rejected a few dozen times before you come across a girl that likes you. Remember, meeting women is about numbers, so continue to go out and meet as many women as possible to improve your chances.
The Agony and The Ecstasy… of long distance relationships. So rarely does one cliche so succinctly sum up something.
Those of us who’ve tried can all attest: it’s haaaaaard.
There are different kinds of relationships across the miles and they require different things.
Some start out that way, such as when you meet Mr. Wonderful at your friend’s wedding in Wisconsin — and you live in Biloxi.
Or, perhaps the Mr. Wonderful you’ve been dating for five months in Biloxi gets sent to Chicago for a six-month assignment. Or, worse yet, his dream job moves there permanently and you don’t want to choose between your own dream job (still in Biloxi) and your dreamy boyfriend.
The differences between the three are vast. You and Wedding Wonderboy are getting to know one another across the miles, while the relocations take away a known quantity.
Building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. The easiest one to weather is the temporary shift – if you’re committed to the relationship, you just have to figure out a way to survive six difficult months. But even that isn’t easy.
DEFINE YOUR TERMS
You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by defining your expectations in advance.
For instance, unless you’re looking for a casual, non-exclusive relationship, at some point, one of you is going to have to move. That can add a whole lot of stress to your already strained couplehood. So, from the beginning, set out a game plan.
Are you evaluating whether one of you will move, and if so, does that mean marriage? Or are you just trying to maintain the relationship as it stands now, perhaps in a different place?
Recognize that you can’t compare a long-distance relationship to one based on physical proximity. But you may be surprised how much a relationship can grow – if you work at it. Late-night talks and thoughtful letters can convey a lot of what is most important in the long-term: your goals, values and dreams.
But simple companionship and connectedness is often the meat and bones of a relationship — and you still have to prepare yourself for the absence of his or her warmth, smile and all the wonders of non-verbal communication.
When a girlfriend and I were separated for three months, I drove her absolutely crazy because I needed — non-negotiably — to talk to her each day.
We discovered this when somehow we skipped two planned phone calls and I completely freaked out. I felt millions of miles away from her (really, it was only 20,000), unloved, uncared for, forgotten… and I was sure he’d been hit by a bus and that’s why she couldn’t get to the phone.
Definitely one of my finer, rational moments.
What had actually happened was that the nine-hour time difference got in the way. She was in Israel and I was in Nigeria and she somehow thought that calling at 3 a.m. was inappropriate.
Call me foolish.
Remember this: missing a day (36 hours in my case) does not indicate relationshipial jeopardy. If a phone call gets missed or an e-mail doesn’t arrive, do not assume that your darling has run off with the cleaning lady or been hijacked.
Discuss your communication needs and limits. It’s likely that one partner will need more communication more than the other. Be prepared to be flexible.
If you want more contact than your partner, try to be less demanding. If you need less, try to be a little more communicative than you might tend to be. Meet in the middle.
For instance, if he wants to talk daily and you don’t, perhaps you can commit to sending a one-line loving e-mail each day, just so he knows you’re thinking of him.
BRANCH OUT FROM THE PHONE TREE
E-mail is a wonderful invention for separated loved ones and is particularly useful in helping to avoid transferring your IRA directly to AT&T.
On the other hand, be careful about relying on e-mail to resolve conflicts.
The problem here is that e-mail feels as casual as a phone call, but it’s permanent. The words are there in black and white. Tone, intentions and content can all be easily misconstrued.
Just remember: this is a note, not a Talmudic passage to be read and re-read for every hidden nuance, message and subtext. (Being overly analytical can be a real burden here.) If you have an issue to resolve, try to do it over the phone or in person.
You even have other options.
To cut down phone costs, try calling your Beloved One when you know he or she won’t be in — and leave a “thinking of you” message on voice mail.
Before Alexander Graham Bell ever was born, people kept in long-distant contact by writing words on a piece of paper, which they then placed into an envelope, affixed a postage stamp (in those days, you had to lick them), and then mailed through the post office. These were called “letters.”
You can also send care packages and little gifts, or peruse the selection of sicky sweet cards at your local Hallmark store.
SHARE THE BURDEN
However you do it, be conscious of the costs involved and try to apportion them in a fair manner. It can cause resentment if one of you foots the bill for everything.
That’s a doubly sticky situation since it leaves the big spender somewhat in control of the relationship.
With visits, alternate who visits whom and consider meeting in the middle on occasion.
Remember this: if you can’t openly discuss your feelings about how you’re spending money, you’ll have a hard time building a long-term relationship with this person. Keep in mind that the tensions that arise now are opportunities to strengthen your relationship for the future.
MAKE THE MOST OF TIME TOGETHER
When you are together, expect pressure (whether it’s because you have issues to discuss or not). Don’t spend so much time agonizing over and planning out your time in concert that you forget to enjoy it. Every moment does not have to be perfect or perfectly scheduled.
Conversely, understand that the perfection of weekend getaways likely won’t continue once a normal relationship is possible.
If you’re thinking of asking your girlfriend to become your wife, deciding if you’re ready to make the commitment to marriage is only half the battle. You have to be absolutely sure that the woman in your life is someone you’ll be happy spending time with day in and day out. Love alone is not enough to make a marriage work, and certain characteristics are warning signs for a troubled marriage down the road. Here are some of the most obvious signs that your girlfriend is not marriage material.
1. She cuts you off from loved ones
A girlfriend who always becomes sick when it’s time to spend quality time with your family and even forbids you from hanging out with your friends will only act worse after you say your vows.
2. She bails on you when times get tough
Life isn’t always a bowl of cherries, but that doesn’t mean that the woman in your life should just disappear when the times get tough. If your girlfriend is not supportive of you emotionally through difficult times and only stands by you when things are going good, she’s not the one you should be walking down the aisle with.
A woman who breeds chaos, misunderstanding and insanity might not be the best person to swear your undying loyalty to. If she displays severe psychological problems now, imagine what kind of influence her crazy and irrational behaviors will have on your future. Marrying a woman like this will most likely ruin your life and your perception of women forever.
4. She’s too clingy
If your girlfriend can’t go anywhere or do anything without you, calls you twenty times a day and destroys any chance of you missing her because because the two of you are never apart, she’s going to make a bad wife.
5. She has nothing going on for herself
6. She’s controlling
If your girlfriend controls all of your conversations, constantly forces you into agreeing with her and acts as an overbearing, emotional bully, it’ll only get worse after you say “I do.”
7. She’s already cheated on you
Do you honestly believe that a woman is marriage material if she has been unfaithful to you while you were dating? Yes, a person can always change and learn from their mistakes; however, a cheating girlfriend will more than likely continue to be unfaithful after marriage.
8. Her libido doesn’t match yours
Another sign that she’ll make a bad wife is if her libido differs wildly from yours. The way you relate to each other in the bedroom has a big influence on whether the two of you will stay together after wedding vows are exchanged, so it’s best to work this out before you walk down the aisle.
9. She’s extremely jealous
Although a little bit of jealousy is essential for a healthy relationship, extreme jealousy arises in a relationship because of high levels of insecurity. If your girlfriend is jealous of every girl who comes near you, refuses to accept that you have female friends and feels threatened when you discuss your previous relationships, putting a ring on her finger is not going to make her more secure.
10. She can’t admit when she’s wrong
If she always seems to have the upper hand in arguments, refuses to admit her faults or even treat you as an equal, she’s not the marrying kind.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person; however, a relationship with the wrong individual can lead to years of heartache, emotional damage and even physical damage. If you’re wondering if your girlfriend is really the one you should be with, here are 10 signs that will definitely help you decipher if you’re possibly dating the wrong woman.
1. She doesn’t show affection
If you’re in a situation where your woman just sits there and does nothing when you attempt to touch her and caress her or you’re always the one who initiates the hand holding or hugs first, something is definitely wrong. Dating is all about give and take and relationships are a constant compromise, BUT you shouldn’t always have to be the one to initiate everything and generally, being able to show affection should come naturally and not be a forced thing for a person.
2. She is reluctant to make future plans with you
You try to arrange vacation plans, but are met with a hesitant response. She is not willing to do anything that would require lasting commitment. She stops planning to go to events together a few weeks in advance… the list is endless. These are all signs that she doesn’t plan on being with you in the future.
3. She destroys your self-confidence
She repeatedly puts you down, constantly corrects your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard”, unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong.
4. She discounts your feelings
She tells you that your feelings and opinions don’t make sense, they’re silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. Women who behave like this often become extremely hostile toward criticism and often react with anger or even rage when their behavior is questioned.
5. She displays psychotic behaviors
She displays behaviors such as constant temper tantrums, snooping and emotional blackmail. Women like this carry a tremendous amount of emotional baggage and will do things that are completely crazy, lacking rational thought and take actions with no thought about consequences.
6. She uses sex as a weapon
Some women tend to use sex as a way to coerce their men into getting their way. If they want something to happen then they know that this would be the perfect opportunity to get their man to do it. They figure that if the guy wants it bad enough then he will do exactly what it is they want, and if he doesn’t, they threaten or punish him by depriving him of his sexual needs. Women who display this behavior only give men an excuse to look for alternative sources.
7. She is not trustworthy
She’s dishonest with you and you’re constantly catching her telling you lies and withholding information from you to keep you at a disadvantage.
8. She cuts you off from loved ones
When it’s time to spend quality time with your family, she suddenly becomes sick, stuck in traffic or experiences something major at work. She resents your family for taking up your time and even forbids you from associating with them at all.
9. She’s too insecure
She secretly checks your email, internet history and your cell phone. She feels threatened when you discuss your previous relationships, hates the idea of meeting your female friends and constantly attempts to trap you with questions like, “Do you think I’m pretty?” and gets upset no matter what you answer.
10. She’s too controlling
She tells you when you can go out, when you can invite the guys over to watch the game and will even call you 10-15 times per day to keep track on what you’re doing, who you’re with and where you’re going next with each call and you allow these controlling behaviors to “keep the peace” in the relationship.
